Do you ever feel like you’re repeating yourself over and over because your teen just can’t seem to remember anything you said two seconds ago?
While some forgetfulness is completely normal, if these issues are chronic and unbearable, it’s possible the teenager is struggling with a deficiency in their executive functioning skills.
The good news? All executive skills can be developed with time, patience, and consistency.
As an academic coach I work with anxious high school students to help them achieve their academic goals by teaching them the executive skills they need to manage their stress and reach their full potential.
What is Working Memory?
Working memory challenges can cause a number of problems in everyday life.
Working memory has a two-part definition:
- It’s the ability to hold information in mind while performing complex tasks.
- It’s the ability to draw on past learning or experience and apply it to current situations — or predict future outcomes.
This definition, from executive functioning experts Dawson and Guare, highlights how much mental juggling working memory requires. It’s no wonder this can be so taxing for teens!
Working memory begins developing around six months of age — that’s when an infant can remember a toy hidden behind a box and push it aside to find it.
As toddlers develop language, you’ll often hear them managing their own behavior by repeating directions they’ve heard from adults, like “Don’t touch!” or “Be careful!”
Among adolescents, weak working memory might show up when a student can’t remember a question asked of them seconds earlier.
Or maybe the teen in your life made an impulsive decision, and when you asked, “What were you thinking?” — they stared back at you, blankly.
They’re not ignoring you.
Their prefrontal cortex is flooded with emotion (embarrassment, fear, anger), making it extremely difficult for them to reflect, problem-solve, or articulate a response in the moment.
How to Support Teens with Weak Working Memory
Here are a few practical strategies to help:
1. Make Eye Contact Before Giving Directions
Simple eye contact — while not a guarantee — increases the chances the teen will actually process what you’re saying.
It’s a quick way to capture their attention before giving important instructions.
2. Reduce Competing Distractions
When giving directions, make sure the teen isn’t glued to the TV, scrolling social media, or texting.
Don’t assume they’re listening — slow down, ask for their attention, and wait for eye contact before speaking.
3. (Sparingly) Ask for Paraphrasing
I urge you to use this tactic carefully — teenagers often find it annoying!
But asking them to repeat back what they heard is an effective way to ensure they understood you.
This works especially well in classroom settings: After giving instructions, ask one student (or a group leader) to paraphrase the task for everyone.
4. Be Mindful of Timing
Consider what’s happening in the teen’s day before giving them directions.
Are they transitioning between stressful activities?
Are they exhausted before bed?
Have they just woken up and are still groggy?
Timing matters. A little patience can go a long way in making sure your message actually lands.
5. Use Written and Tech-Based Reminders
Visual reminders — like Post-It notes around the house or classroom — are extremely helpful.
Calendar apps and phone reminders can support students on the go.
Using external reminders also reduces potential conflict, since it removes the need for constant adult nagging.
6. Reinforce Positive Outcomes
Whenever possible, remind the teen of times they were successful.
For example:
“You were really responsible the last time you used the hall pass — you left and came back quickly so others could use it too.”
You can also refer to less successful moments — but frame it without judgment.
Always come from a place of care and concern to encourage openness, not defensiveness.
7. Avoid Forcing Tools Onto Them
Instead of imposing calendars, planners, or reminder apps, frame them as opportunities for independence.
Let students choose how they want to organize themselves.
Building self-management skills is essential for adulthood — empower them to take ownership!
8. Encourage Note-Taking and Memory Aids
If forgetfulness continues to be a big issue, get the student in the habit of writing things down.
Encourage the use of keywords instead of full sentences to jog memory quickly.
Students can also advocate for themselves by asking teachers for note outlines or handouts to lessen the cognitive load.
Final Thoughts
It’s important to remember: there’s no proven way to dramatically expand a person’s working memory. Think of working memory like a parking lot — once all the spots are filled, the brain simply can’t take in and manipulate more information at that moment. No amount of effort or desire can magically create more spaces. That’s why using accommodations, reminders, and supportive communication strategies are the best ways to help teens succeed in real time.
By reducing the demands on their working memory and providing tools that assist with organization and recall, we empower students to build their executive functioning skills gradually and sustainably. Every small step forward — even one sticky note or reminder app at a time — lays the groundwork for greater independence and success.
Developing strong working memory skills is tricky — especially since adolescents are balancing their desire for independence with the still-developing demands of adulthood.But remember: All executive skills are connected. Building up a student’s areas of strength can make it easier to support their areas of weakness.
There’s no “one size fits all” solution, but adopting thoughtful, concrete communication strategies can make a huge difference. All of these executive skills build off each other — and with the right support, you can help create a positive, supportive learning environment for the teenagers in your life.